One of the difficult parts of exposing ourselves to the world is moving forward despite the fear of being rejected. In an era where the call to express our authenticity is getting stronger, we run the risk of being attacked by individuals (commonly called “trolls”) who seem to want to tell us to stay home and not dare to show ourselves to the outside world. This also occurs with people in our daily lives who use abuse to undermine our self-esteem.
Trolls are terrified to express their authenticity, that is why they generally use anonymity to express their “opinions”. There are also those who can abuse us face to face. They generally only victimize individuals who try to settle conflicts in a conciliatory way. For the latter, the only way to deal with them is to remove them from our lives. It is important to seek help if we cannot do it easily. If we search the internet, there are countless resources that can assist us. Search for “help abuse”.
With trolls it is different, since it looks like the only solution is to ignore them. It is good, anyway, to understand their behavior as it can help us find inner peace. Trolls feel satisfaction annoying their target because, when the victim loses control of their emotions, they “win”. We could say that trolls seek to get out of their loneliness, in which they feel miserable, making others feel miserable, and thus, they create the illusion of not being alone. Those who act like trolls unconsciously try to create emotional coherence. They are emotionally disabled to feel themselves and they use their targets as a proxy to express what they repress.
The emotions that trolls want to provoke tell us what they feel. Our reactions become a mirror of their reality. They want to deliver “shame”, “guilt” and “powerlessness”. If instead of taking it personally we take it as information about their internal states, we could free ourselves from the negativity they impart to us and align our hearts with compassion. It does not mean that we invite them to tea, or that we accept abuse with a smile. This is not compassion. Compassion is awareness of what the other is going through. That’s all. Trolls only want to regain the power they have lost. We can measure their pain based on the pain they want to pass on to others.
Body shaming, racist slurs, gender discrimination, etc … are just reactions born out of helplessness. Many trolls cannot accept social change, many others have not been taught on self-love. For many of us, it is not the words that hurt, but the fact that someone is wanting to hurt others. We wonder “how can they do something like this?”. We have to accept that sometimes the emotional pain and/or fear can be so great, that those who have been unable to develop internal resources to deal with it choose to want to destroy what reminds them of their own unhappiness. People who hurt others have a desperate cry buried within themselves and unfortunately develop self-destructive tendencies that further separate them from the possibility of a fulfilling life.
Many of us have been involved in some sort of abusive relationship. Empaths have a natural tendency of wanting to help those in need. Abusers are this kind of people. We will want to help them. But with abusers… we must let go. It is hard to accept that some things will never get better. But it is something we have to learn to accept. If we really want to help those who become abusers then we must dedicate ourselves to improving education, the society we live in, economic differences, animal and human rights, etc.
And regarding trolls, practice not to take their abuse personally but objectively. It is difficult, but it is also a great opportunity to learn about true compassion.
Empathic people must learn to set emotional boundaries. Being an empath is a new type of consciousness that is capable of relating emotionally with everything that exists. Empaths feel the pain of the abusers and want to help. My advice is to let the Dalai Lama do it. You, take care of yourself and simply ask the universe that someday they can find the way back to love. In the meantime, always choose to associate with people who make you feel good about yourself.
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Tips for dealing with an abuser in our life
- Remove them from your life
- If this is difficult, seek help. Search on the internet “help abuse”
Tip for staying calm when dealing with trolls
- “In any communication, or in any situation which you cannot confront because it is exaggerating, hot or aggressive, just change your breath. Breathe through the lips instead of through the nostrils. Exhale always through the nostrils. Inhale through the rolled lips and make it slow and long. It will slow everything as required. It will increase your sensitivity. It will give you 10 times more projection over the person you are talking to.” Kundalini Yoga – Yogi Bhajan
- Don’t respond to their comments. Ever.